Toxicity and Taboos, Masculinity & Mental Health in 2018
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Toxicity and Taboos: Masculinity in 2018
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Arts & Culture
Words By: Luc Hinson
Artwork: Gabriella Mussurakis
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2018 has been a year embellished with Toxic Masculinity. The #MeToo movement has demonstrated just how deeply entrenched and wide ranging the extent of toxic masculinity is. Men of all ages are thinking a lot more about their own preconceived biases and notions, but for all its tragedy 2018 has been the year in which it seems like finally, the internalised taboo of men talking about their feelings has been lifted. This stereotype that showing emotion is weak has been handed down from generation to generation. Now it feels like it’s finally slipping away, the taboo is slowly but surely being lifted, men are opening up and sharing. But what is causing this mass outburst of expression, why are we now more open and expressive? Is it due to the explosion of social media? have we finally reached an age of enlightenment? Sadly, the answer is far more tragic.
It seems to have come about finally, because for the first time in recorded history 2015 marked the year that suicide became the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. Suicide, from a numbers standpoint hits men harder. In the same year – 2015 – 75% of all UK suicides across all age groups were committed by men. It seems like with this tragic realisation men are finally willing to talk about one of their biggest taboos – mental health. Taking about your mental health and opening about how you feel goes against traditional characteristics of masculinity, it doesn’t look well... strong. Strong that is if you’re conforming to the macho hyper-masculine stereotype. This stereotype fundamentally needs to change, it is not apt for this generation of young men, we need a redefinition of masculinity. One that promotes health and wellness, one that helps protect not harm life.
The British stiff upper lip, boys don’t cry, boys shouldn’t wear princess dresses. These are all symptoms of toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is the point at which masculinity starts to become detrimental to society, toxic masculinity is manifest in the devaluation of other sexes/genders, extreme self-reliance and most important here the suppression of emotions. The suppression of emotions is harmful, bottling up how you feel and burying your head in the sand is counter-intuitive. The adage goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. And the reality is, with so many young men ending their lives, if we stop and ask someone how they are, how they really are and encourage them to open up we can save lives. I’m not being melodramatic here. There is a stigma attached to mental health, a stigma that talking about it, admitting you’re struggling are signs of weakness. This fear, the fear attached to being stigmatised is preventing people from speaking out when they vitally and urgently require help.
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"Showing your emotions is a sign of mental strength, not mental weakness, and if masculinity is so obsessed with the notion of strength then it has to include mental strength in its definition"
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Illustration: Gabriella Mussurakis
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Celebrities are integral in this fight to save lives. Credit must be given where credit is due, the Campaign Against Living Miserably or (CALM) launched their #BestManProject last year to get men talking about their mental health, support networks and the importance of friendship. They launched a video recently in which they had the likes of Prince William, Loyle Carner and Rio Ferdinand opening up about the positive impact of friendships on male wellbeing, particularly in times of grief. Whilst support networks such as call centres, charities and mental health professionals are there, they can seem daunting, intimidating and too formal. A Best mate can be your rock, they often know more about you than your parents, your lover or your significant other, so let’s take some time out of our day to actually open up to those closest to us. It may seem trivial, but it can be a lot easier to chat to your mate, than to pick up the phone to someone you’ve never met in a call centre hundreds of miles away. The responsibility lies at our feet as men, we have a duty to reconceptualise masculinity as something beneficial, masculinity, true masculinity should empower men to express themselves, should empower men to love more and hate less, to express not suppress emotions.
For me last year Robert Webb’s book ‘How not to be a boy” epitomised the struggle between masculinity and sensitivity, those two words should not be mutually exclusive, they should complement each other. For me, there’s one line from the book that I found especially useful; “Being male is terrific, but comes with an extra load of baggage that is worth noticing”. If we fail to notice what we suppress, fail to pay attention to our baggage, we neglect one of the most important, but least visible areas of our health – our mental health. Well frankly, that’s not being strong at all. True strength comes from being open and honest with yourself.
We need to start teaching our children, our young men that it is okay to not be okay. We need to bring children up teaching them the importance of mental resilience but also the importance of opening up. We need to change the misconceptions surrounding mental health and the attached stigma. Showing your emotions is a sign of mental strength, not mental weakness, and if masculinity is so obsessed with the notion of strength then it has to include mental strength in its definition. 2018, has been an important year for Mental Health, awareness is growing and the conversations that need to be had are starting to be had. But its not enough, as long as young men, no as long as any young person regardless of gender, sexuality, race, religion... whatever Is ending their live, we as a society are not doing enough.
What this article asks is simple, take some time out of your day to talk to those closest to you, and I mean more than just “you alright” “yeah, you?” or asking about this weekend’s football fixtures. By opening up and listening to others we can all learn more about those closest to us, and ourselves in the process.
You never know the importance a conversation can have.
Peace
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Twitter: @luc_hinson
Instagram: @lprh_
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Words By: Luc Hinson, 16th April 2018
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